I will not waste chalk
       I will not aim for the head
       I will not skateboard in the halls
       I will not barf unless I'm sick
       I will not burp in class
       I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
       I will not instigate revolution
       I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
       I will not conduct my own fire drills
       I did not see Elvis
       I will return the seeing-eye dog
       Funny noises are not funny
       I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'
       I will not snap bras
       Garlic gum is not funny
       I will not fake seizures
       They are laughing at me, not with me
       This punishment is not boring and meaningless
       I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
       My name is not Dr. Death
       I will not encourage others to fly
       I will not defame New Orleans
       I will not fake my way through life
       I will not prescribe medication
       Tar is not a plaything
       I will not bury the new kid
       I will not Xerox my butt
       I will not teach others to fly
       It's potato, not potatoe
       I will not bring sheep to class
       I will not trade pants with others
       A burp is not an answer
       The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
       I am not a 32 year old woman
       Teacher is not a leper
       I will not do that thing with my tongue
       Coffee is not for kids
       I will not drive the principal's car
       I will not eat things for money
       I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
       I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
       I will not sell school property
       The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
       I will not cut corners
       I will not squeak chalk
       I do not have diplomatic immunity
       I will not charge admission to the bathroom
       I will not get very far with this attitude
       Goldfish don't bounce
       I will not make flatulent noises in class
       Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
       I will not belch the National Anthem
       No one is interested in my underpants
       I will not sell land in Florida
       I will not sell miracle cures
       I will not grease the monkey bars
       Underwear should be worn on the inside
       I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
       The Christmas pageant does not stink
       I will not do anything bad ever again
       I will not torment the emotionally frail
       I will not show off
       I will not call the principal "spud head"
       I will not carve gods
       I will not sleep through my education
       I will not spank others
       I am not a dentist
       I will not bribe Principal Skinner
       Spitwads are not free speech
       I will finish what I start
       Nobody likes sunburn slappers
       "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
       High explosives and school don't mix
       Hamsters cannot fly
       All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
       I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
       I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
       My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
       I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
       I am not deliciously saucy
       Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
       I will not send lard through the mail
       I will not use abbrev.
       Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
       Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
       Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
       There are plenty of businesses like show business
       I will not dissect things unless instructed
       I will not hang donuts on my person
       No one wants to hear my armpits
       I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
       I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
       I will not strut around like I own the place
       Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
       The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
       I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
       I am not a lean mean spitting machine
       The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
       I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
       Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
       I do not have power of attorney over first graders
       I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
       I am not certified to remove asbestos
       "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
       I will remember to take my medication
       The boys room is not a water park
       Beans are neither fruit nor musical
       Nerve gas is not a toy
       "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
       The First Amendment does not cover burping
       Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
       Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does